No matter how you feel, only God knows when the time is right.
When you release the hatred and anger from your heart, love finds its way in to replace it.
Forgiveness is a powerful thing and should be practiced as often as you breathe.
Always leave your heart wide open so you can receive the blessings being given.


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In My Life

There are places I remember all my life
Though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

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Every blade in the field —
every leaf in the forest —
lays down its life in its season
as beautifully as it was taken up.
-Henry David Thoreau

Saturday I will go and say goodbye to a man who changed the lives of my entire family. The first time I met him he looked at me and said things that left me in tears. I felt like I had just had a conversation with God. He knew things no one could have known. I have a feeling my story is similar to that of everyone he encountered. Every time I saw him I wanted to ask him what else he had to tell me, but I never did. Now I know that was the only message he needed to give me. He had such a beautiful gift. There is no way of ever knowing how many lives he touched and how many people he affected. But I will never forget what he told me and I will spend my life pursuing it. And though I feel he was taken too soon, I know he did all he was put here to do. He will be laid to rest on the day he would have turned 50. I will choose to look at it as a sign that we should celebrate his life and all he accomplished.

Rest in peace Sylvester Matthews. We love you now and always.

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I won’t write in the journal you gave me. Mainly because I only want to write “I hate you.” I can’t decide if it would be the truth.


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Will You Be There?

If I look inside and tell you how I’m really feeling, I’m genuinely heartbroken. So much so, I’m not sure I will be able to say all I need to.

There are times when I feel like I’m suffocating. Like my present has a way of knocking the wind out of me. For years I have dreaded this September coming. Because I know that not only is she still not here, she never will be again. It’s strange how 10 years feels like yesterday. The feeling of sitting in bed crying is all too familiar to sitting in the church trying to hold back from sobbing. I don’t know whether to feel blessed or robbed that I don’t remember those few weeks that well. I try to talk to you all the time. I’m sorry I always seem to be crying when I do. I hope you can hear me.


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“Dusk is just an illusion, because the sun is either above the horizon or below it. And that means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are; there cannot be one without the other, yet they cannot exist at the same time. How would it feel, I remember wondering, to be always together yet forever apart?”
– Nicholas Sparks

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Man in the Mirror

I really would like to take the time to say some things about Michael Jackson. My dad has always been such a big fan of his and Michael’s music was something we could bond over. So I think he holds a special place in my heart for that. It pains me to hear some of the things that are being said about him less than 48 hours after his death.

Michael led a life that no one in this world could understand. 45 of his 50 years were spent in the spotlight, and it took its toll on him. His ending was very much like his life: tragic. We have enjoyed 4 decades of his music, and that is quite a feat. I am very saddened by the idea of this being forgotten because of his eccentric personal life. I hope that people can remember the Michael Jackson who gave so much to this world. The Michael who revolutionized music videos. The Michael who paved the way for what our generation knows music to be. The Michael that moonwalked across the stage at Motown 25. And the Michael that brought 39 musicians together to raise millions for the starving people in our world. I hope that we can remember he was never found guilty of the crimes he was accused of. He was a very lost soul who never got to enjoy a normal life, something that we take for granted. He did so much for this world, and I don’t think he ever got the love he put in, back. I know that Michael’s worries are not of this earth anymore, and I can breathe a sigh of relief for him. I also know that he is finally free. God bless you, Michael. Thank you for everything you’ve given me and everyone else.


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